The Lush Rimjob: An Examination

This week society is having a debate about the well-known sex act colloquially referred to as a “lush rimjob”. Many people find the act singularly disgusting and have painted it as such over the past week. Others are highlighting the profound influence the act has had on the sexual mores of the United States, often without producing many details of just what that influence has been.

The lush rimjob was immortalized last year when then-President Drumpf awarded it a Medal of Freedom. Some felt it was immoral to elevate such a disgusting sexual practice to levels of legitimacy heretofore unseen; to others, it was a valorization of their very identity. After all, the lush rimjob is part of why we had Drumpf in the White House for what felt like approximately one bajillion years.

What really brought this discussion on was that the lush rimjob was declared dead earlier this week. Would that such a thing were true. Apart from the difficulty of declaring the “death” of an entire social practice, we learned shortly after that no, the lush rimjob would endure despite its ostensible demise.

This is where I begin to reiterate takedowns of the lush rimjob that decry it as disgusting and toxic and generally harmful to the health of its practitioners, the sex toys that are usually used in the practice (“dittoheads”, as they are known), and the nation as a whole. The development of the lush rimjob is often seen as a patient zero moment for the current pandemic of mental illness ravaging the nation, as the act is the most common way to contract a particular type of brain-worm that causes the sufferer to detach from reality. This demands further study and cannot be dismissed.

I’m actually firmly in the camp that people should be free to practice them, in the privacy of their own home, so long as they’re prepared to accept the consequences and everyone is fully consenting (not that lush rimjobs are widely known as a consent-driven practice). I personally can’t bring myself to enjoy it, but considering what I am into, I’m in no position to judge too harshly, at least not the desires that go into it. But of course, the lush rimjob inevitably spilled out of private and into attempts to remake the public sphere into its toxic image.

In lieu of simply criticizing (although criticism is warranted), those of us who don’t personally engage in lush rimjobs should meet that particular sex act with sex acts of our own. The only thing more powerful than a lot of bad sex is more, better sex. Of course, careful observers may remember when lush rimjob practitioners accused a woman of being a “prostitute” and a “slut” for advocating for access to contraception. They may also remember the sheer hatred and mockery directed at victims of the AIDS epidemic, which lush rimjob enthusiasts love to blame on queer-normative sexual practices. These people hate any sort of sex that isn’t their own.

That’s only scratching the surface. It doesn’t even begin to discuss the vile racism that adheres to the lush rimjob and which its practitioners seem forever inclined to perpetuate. Lush rimjobs also continued during the pandemic, practitioners urged to simply ignore(and in doing so worsen) the ravages of COVID-19. There’s a lot of history there, and none of it is good. We can only hope that the future can break free of such rampant toxicity.

In unrelated news, Rush Limbaugh is dead, fuck that guy, and I am glad he’s dead. The end.